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What is a Marriage?
Marriage is a decision or a commitment between two people who are very much in love. If you are not in love, then you must be marrying for another reason.
Nationality or culture shouldn't get in the way of marriage
It should be a sacred part of your life, being married and raising a family with love and security, not anger and hate or any kind of discrimination.
You can marry whoever you wish, how you relate to one another is up to you, get that right experiement with life from the beginning.
However, and whoever you marry, remember respect each other, and don't take each other for granted, taking each other for granted is something you may regret one day if your better-half is no longer with you.
I am a South African and of Indian origin, I met my husband twenty one years ago, in South Africa. He was at that time a Yugoslavian,(now a Croatian) and a foreigner in lovely South Africa. Marrying another race was forbidden.
As a mixed couple we were always stared at by 'others,' making us feel completely out of place, mainly me, like we had arrived from out of space. I had experienced many issues with racism but blew these harsh words and looks over my shoulders, and never looked back at what they thought of me or my husband. Growing up in an apartheid country was rough, the different colour of my skin deprived me of many opportunities. The racist calling of names for Indians was often mentioned and not many of other Indians spoke much of the horrible verbal abuse. It didn't affect me as much as it had affected my parents. I realized more of the racism when I got older but that didn't stop me from talking about it to my son later over the years. I was led to believe it was a normal life for me.
'Indian Only Toilets,' 'Indian Only Schools,'
and off-course living in the 'Indian Only suburbs.'
Living the way we did was totally unfair, serving and obeying the racist who thought they would have it all, and that nothing will change, and today so much has changed in South Africa, the tables have turned for sure, and there is nothing that I regret about the New South Africa. I strongly believe as humans, nobody has the right to treat anyone different from the other, irrespective of colour or religion.
My child was also affected by racism, he was teased at a private school for having an
Indian Mother, something I didn't think would occur during the nineties, especially when the apartheid system was broken, and after the release of Nelson Mandela, but it still goes on no matter what.
Racism was taught to the younger generation and it went on for many more. I was devastated for my child to experience such discrimination from a younger generation, the incident was dealt with, and eventually the prinicipal was fired from his title.
The child probably didn't know much of what he was teasing my son about, though it is sad to see such foolishness taught to a child of seven years old.
Many people are affected with racism, in most parts of the world, the thing is how does one come to terms with comments and verbal abuse, only because of the skin colour?
Why should the colour of the skin be such a barrier in life?
When we are cut, don't we bleed the same colour of blood?
When we cry, don't we cry the same colour of tears?
When we breath, don't we breath the same air?
When we go to the the toilet don't we pass the same kind of urine and stool?
What is so dfferent from one human being to another?
Culture is what makes us different the religion chosen is the only wall in our lives.
Today there are many mixed marriages, if you love someone enough to marry and cope with the aftermath of a mixed marriage then go for it. When you have children problems arise for some couples, but why should you bother about what others think, it is your life? Understand each other's cultures and communicate about both sides of the families. Be prepared for awkward situations for your family and yourself.
It is easy to marry, what happends afterwards can be complicated. As a couple you should be able to take control of situations, publicly, and even when you are faced with issues.
Sometimes your community can be ruthles towards you, ignore the insults, true people don't behave that way. A person that finds it hard to accept others in a community is merciless and with no respect or culture.
You can't help who you fall in live with, love is blind, the old saying that never goes away.
People see each other in different ways, respect is very important, but when it comes to mixed marriages, these points don't count. It is however, challenge to be married to another race, you have a new way of living, and the changes do make you feel different in some ways. When you share a child together it can increase the level of character, and for your love for each other, your strength is required to be powerful minded. This happens only if you are in love, sharing intimate feelings with that someone special. If you love someone you should cherish and respect that person irrespective of race.
Children are mostly affected by racism, as a parent you should plan and work things out.
Make sure your child is not teased and that you make proper arrangements for schools and in other fields of your child's future.
Your views won't be the same from husband to wife, try compromise.
Communicate about religion be fair about what you decide, don't hurt your partner's feelings.
Understand when your spouse wants to speak the native language.
Try avoid making critisims about culture in front of your child, you don't want to send a negative message to your child about your marriage or culture.
Socially your child can be put into a corner, be able to explain these moments with love and care.
I used to be put in a corner occasionally, being the only Indian women at functions, I didn't fall apart, I still remained as positive as I am today about my life. The people who thought that way, were and are still small-minded to me.
Ever thought of how your life would change in a Mixed Marriage?
Economically, in the fear of losing friends, politically, legally, all these barriers you have to overcome together it will only make you braver, and don't give up.
Marriages fail if two people are driven apart because of lack of love, respect, communication, acceptance and trust, which are some of the important facts of a marriage, though not many people may approve of these points. It is so very true, talking from experience. If it works for some then with practice it should work for everybody else.
The key to a good relationship is to learn about your spouse's culture find out more about family and views of you positively and negatively, this will give you space and time for each other. Allowing understanding and patience.
You shouldn't be discriminated because you love a person of a different culture, or race, it is you that is going to live with that person, the decisions made is solely up to you..
In India, for example mixed marriages are still not accepted as much, it is a huge gossip if an Indian marrys another race. However, there is a chance of a slow change.
Love, happiness, and health, thereafter money makes the world turn.
What would you be like if you were not loved at all?
Mixed marriages are now common and will allow many more couples to go for what they really want without a doubt.
Accept and Appreciate what you have to go through for each other. Embrace the values for one another.
Any marriage requires dedication no matter what kind of marriage you are into you still have to make it work, if that is what you want then don't waste time on waiting.
About The Author:
A South African, of Indian origin, currently living in the most Southern part of Croatia, a beautiful region called Konavle. The published author of the following kindle books.
The Runaway Teenager who Lived an Abusive life
The Side Effects of Herbal Teas and Indian Spices
How Do you Know if You Have Real Love
How to Relax Spiritually
How to learn with your Child From Infant to Preschool age
Life in Croatia: How Europe Changed My Life
Love and Kindness by The Heart
Raising Teenagers: The Best Way(kindle and book)
The Mystery of Loving Someone Special
Family Saga of An Indian Family
How To Survive Living the Positive Way
How You Can Benefit from Life, Spiritually AND From The Benefits of The Different Types of Meditation
My New Release:
How Racism Affected My Life: Are you Affected by Mixed Marriages
Available on all Amazon stores
She has a special way of writing with an abundance of articles on-line. There are many topics. on Relationships, Help issues, and on Health information, you may not have read all her work if you need to learn something new about a courageous woman you can click on the following links:
You will be amazed by the helpful information she has on this site.
Devika Primic has certainly created an effective way of holding a reader's attention, her articles are to the point short or long and are just so interesting. Let's face it an on-line reader's attention span is short and getting to know of her work further is no exception.